Depressed

I am in deep depression…..really deeeeeppp. Feeling angry myself and feel pity for myself………. 4 trying yet failing again and again..

Had a mock CAT yesterday..screwed it up..all went well for first 1 hr and 15 minutes, but then I started DI and screwed everything. Scored 24 in 1:15 min and in the rest 45 min, scored just 4 marks..huh..its been two years I hav been giving Cat (though this is the first time I hav taken up the challenge seriously) but everytime I giv it, I make some mistake or the other..and this process has been going on and on. Sometimes I wonder whether it will end ? Really feeling short of confidence..specially after flunking in my Java Certification Exam..didnt expect this to happen, or shud I say, got Over Confident after clearing my OS certification..but this one brought me 2 earth, or in other words, threw me face down..’bahut joor ki lagi yaaaaaaar’…Had thought that once I clear my java exam, I will be able to pursue my project leader to let me continue in Java only..(its my passion), par ab main kya mooh lekey jaoonga..thought I wud apply for external certification after I clear this one..huh..all my plans gone astray :(

All the people I know are scaling heights of success..some hav joined GE, some SAP, some gt through into IIMs..its not that I am feeling jealous or bogged down by their success..I hav my plans chartered out..but they r such a long process of continous improvement and evolution, that sometimes I doubt if ever I will b able 2 fulfill them . I wonder, wud it b too late before I reach the end………….

Reallly in a self doubt today..

The ‘ If’ is bogging me down…………………………………………………..

Feeling lost in a dark endless tunnel……….

Someone…..torch please…………..