Who Am I??

Delhi->hyd->Pune, India
An environmental engg turned Software Engg working for a MNC. U cn call me Peenuts..thats what my long lost frend used 2 call me, and its in his memory.

10/8/09

Disheartened, Distressed and Dep*******!!??


Its a familiar feeling..it takes months to come out of it, and a few shocks later, m back into that sinking feeling again. There were two things that i had tried hard for last year - almost to the end of desperation - an onsite trip and higher studies. Both eluded me till i had to give up on these dreams and pursue something else. Life has been happier after that but today my friends and my juniors (whom i had trained) are going on site. I wonder what makes me less than them that i never seem to qualify. Its not that i desire it, but it does throw me into self doubt. Haven't had good work in office for quite some  time now, almost one and half months, and i have begun to hate office already. Also the feeling of running away and not going home is creeping in. It happens mostly when i am due to go home and its happening again. May b the phobia of answering my parents failed dreams of me, my phobia from self evaluation are pulling me back. But life's like that - a few good moments and a lot of sad ones. I have seen my dad slog it out for every small happiness and now its my turn. I pray that God will lead from moments of darkness into lightness.




2 comments:

shadows said...

sorry about commenting after such a long time. but pino, i thought this yime i had to.
sweetheart, stop comparing yourself to others.and if your parents love you then your so called "underacheivements" wont really matter.
what they get is what they get. what you get is different. they may be so stressed that they have no time to think. they may not even think about their parents feelings as much as you do...

how old are you again?? not old enough to evaqluate your life. you never know where the next curve will lead you. start looking at what you have and you will realise its much more than many others. remember joy of giving week?? it made you happy right?? so, think about them maybe that will help

cheer up pino, u cute little thing.
find that light you want god to lead you into. and smile... as you go, dont think about what you will get at the end of the road. just enjoy what you do. your achievements at the end of the day are those smiles you gathered and spread... trust me
:)

Peenuts said...

@ Shadows: thank u for this elaborate comment. I felt a lot better after reading it. Thanks again

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