Mess gets messier

My performance has been exceptionally below par..my HR manager told me...which is true as well. I like the work here but unfortunately i have been unable to adjust to the workin env here..the project is always critical, they (the MANAGEMENT) wants the team to sit for extended work hours everyday, every week, everymonth.....if i finish my work on time (read efficiently) and leave early, i am told i am not working hard..so i sit on the issue for hrs (which could be resolved in minutes), and hence work EXTENDED HOURS..but then my questions r raised on my performance..this is wht i told the HR, and he said by doing so..i was axing my own feet..i thought i could turn things around, change the env of my team..make it for developer friendly, more enthusiastic..or change myself..but since last 8 months situation has become more messier..i asked wht r the options in front of me, and i ws told they r very few...very projects in Amdocs are hiring..and i need to use my network, to find the project i want to move to..and also i need to make sure that i move their before requirement dries up..coz if i come on bench..then i wud b in a very risky situation..huh..itna smart hota to is situation main fasstaa hi nahi...siva says i hav been havin a hard luck...but i dont think blaming luck wud be of any help...i hav acted exceptionally dumb..and hav let the situation take over me..when i knew it wud require 120% effort i gave only 70%...becoz my heart dint let me..or to say..i dint hav control over my feelings...can i turn things around..i dont expect that to happen...infact i dont expect anything now...and i hope THIS..will be..my key.

Amen