Who Am I??

Delhi->hyd->Pune, India
An environmental engg turned Software Engg working for a MNC. U cn call me Peenuts..thats what my long lost frend used 2 call me, and its in his memory.

11/19/07

Uncertainty ahead..Shit!!!!

So how did 'it' go......in one line it cudnt hav gone worse.....yeah ....it really cudnt hav gone worse..its been two days since i am trying to talk myself out of it..but every now and then it comes back 2 haunt me...bus main baithey baithey..coffee peetey huey, sending creepy feelin all over my body and all i want at that moment to run to my rooftop and sit there gazing at the stars.....
I tried to cry..thought ki i wud feel better if i wud let the tears of disappointment flow.. par ab to itna insensitive ho chuka hoon ki aansu bhi nahi nikaltey..in fact i cudnt help laugh at myself for this inability.
I hav to leave for home next weekend, and i so much dont feel like going.....when i go home i want to go with a conviction that i hav made my parents proud, that my sis can look upon me..........paar.......
The damn year is coming to an end, and when time will come when i wl confront myself and ask..'now wht'...i cant seem to think of any answer....
Kaash i cud live my life coolly...i go arnd giving advice to others aur jab apni watt lagi hai to samajh nahi aa raha kya karooo......par i hav 2 be answerable to myself, becoz i chose it 2 be so....damn me!!!!!!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

it's ok my friend... i know it doesn't look ok .... but it is ...
give urself some time u'll b able to answer everything u need to ...
bus keep faith ... god b with u

MM

Reni said...

yea, i've just started doing my masters and i'm all worked about the question, "what next?"....trust me, it's a phase in life we all must go through......it doesn't necessarily mean that u r a loser........

Peenuts said...

Areyy its not abt being a loser or not..its just this uncertainity that gives me this creepy feelin..well i hav decided to counter it...m already making my plans for 'wht next' and the best part is...i am finding that a lot needs to be done..so i guess the comin year is gonna b veryyyy hectic :)

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